Being a mother means making tons of decisions, and leaves you with a lot of …. questions. Being a second time mother somehow seems to double the amount of decisions needed, and sometimes double the number of questions you need to ask yourself about what you are doing. Is this best for the baby? The eldest child? The family? Me? But one thing I never questioned was whether tandem breastfeeding would be okay for all of us. I knew it may not be easy, and I might need to get advice from others, but that I could do it. After all, mothers with twins (or more multiples) do it all the time. And what I personally found out was that tandem feeding is an incredible experience (if it works for you)!
See, while I was pregnant, I thought Beatrice might naturally lose interest in breastfeeding. She was two years old, and she is independent, social, sweet, and a bit sassy. She’s a good eater, but she also likes to breastfeed at night. Those first few months of my pregnancy I felt so ill I couldn’t imagine the extra emotional impact (on both of us) of trying to wean her. I was too exhausted and we were both too comfortable with the idea of breastfeeding. Then I thought she might wean naturally as the baby bump got bigger; but she didn’t mind, so I didn’t mind. And when our baby arrived, I thought I would wait to see how it would go for both of them. Would they both want to feed together? Would this work? Would my body be able to supply them both with the milk they needed? I spoke to some incredible people in the tandem network, including my lactation specialist from my first pregnancy; I worried for awhile about all these various questions; and then I finally realised that it would all happen as it was meant to be.
While pregnant and considering the weaning versus tandem feeding options, I also came across the Instagram feed of Polly Geal, a talented baby and family photographer based in Richmond, London (who also took photos for Courtney of Marlow on her second birthday. In her Instagram post was a beautiful image with the hashtag #TheNursingProject, and a brief caption about how she had created this project to document and share the beauty and bond of breastfeeding. So I contacted Polly and told her that I was expecting my second baby in late Winter. And I also told her that there was a good chance I might be tandem breastfeeding. She was really keen to involve me as she hadn’t hand any tandem feeders take part in the project before then.
When I went to Polly’s home, which was the first time I had tandem breastfed out of my own home, with my 6-week-old little fella and my newly turned three-year-old girl, it made me realise that it was as natural for me to breastfeed both of them together as it was for me to drink water. I was just being a mama, in my way, that worked for me and my children. After all, in many places around the world breastfeeding is the norm, and tandem feeding isn’t that far behind it.
And the sweetest thing about tandem feeding is the beautiful bond that Beatrice and Joseph have while breastfeeding. While feeding, she likes to hold his hand, sometimes tries to ‘pet’ his ear (which we discuss is not so helpful since it makes him flinch), and most of all they both get equal attention from me simultaneously for a few shared moments a day. It’s very beautiful. Some studies say tandem feeding helps to eliminate sibling rivalry. I am not sure if that is true for everyone, but I know that the connection between them right now is so strong. She helps him to latch on, she sings songs to him if he fusses, and she proudly told my mom that she ‘shares’ mama milk with him. And we love when she is proud to share! We also found out when Joseph was 3 weeks old that he was tongue tied, but the reason that I had not realised it sooner is because it wasn’t affecting his health, weight gain, or my milk supply because his big sister was helping to keep my milk supply regulated. How amazing is that! She was helping without even realising it.
One day that big sister will walk away saying she doesn’t want any more mama milk (ever again), and I will feel a tug at my heart strings, but I will let go and know it is the right time for her. I will listen to her.
But I also listen to others enough to realise that breastfeeding is a big topic, with big emotions around it. And I now know tandem feeding is as well. Double the opinions even perhaps! Yes, breastfeeding a toddler isn’t the norm in our society, and breastfeeding two babies is definitely not typical.
I also knew that lots and lots (and lots) of people would think I was crazy, a circus act, a milk cow, an over-attached parent, a hippy, or all of the above. And lots and lots of people have raised eyebrows, and shown shock or surprise when I’ve told them. Some people even have told me they didn’t know it was possible to become pregnant while breastfeeding (it is!). And to those that think it is just ‘for comfort’, I say yes it’s for comfort (and what’s wrong with that?) but it is also for the health benefits too. This is why I avoided telling many people in the early months… to avoid being judged. But now, almost 6 months as a tandem feeder, I question it less, and I’ve learned to celebrate it, treasure it, and enjoy it more, despite the challenging days, the aversion I sometimes experience, and the tiredness I sometimes feel. Which is what all parents experience for various reasons.
Most importantly, both my babies are happy. She is healthy, and he is healthy, happy, growing, and getting lots of smooches from his big sister. And their bond is incredibly strong. And isn’t that what we all want our children to be… happy, healthy, and helpful little humans? That makes a mama proud. And hopefully people can see the beauty in it, and respect the decision this second-time mama has made.
These special moments that Polly captured for me and my family are ones I will always treasure. Polly is now in the process of evolving the project to celebrate all kinds of feeding journeys, including combined feeding, bottled feeding, as well as nursing, to show the beauty in all paths taken to nourish your little ones. She hopes to one day publish all of her Project images and stories as a book, and I hope she does, she is so talented, (as well as being a mum of two with a big heart). Her Project uses art to illuminate real life. And both breastfeeding and tandem feeding is a topic which is natural and real so I think the more it is normalised the better!
Polly is available for newborn, baby, and family shoots too as well as the Project. She captured my early days so beautifully, that now when I look back at them I get super sentimental!
What about you…Would you (or have you ever) tandem feed? How do these images make you feel? We’d love to hear your thoughts.
Lara. xx
ps The last photo with just Joseph and me makes my heart melt. It is that super, sweet, milk drunk, and content newborn baby face that Polly captured so perfectly at the very end of the tandem shoot.
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